Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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