..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
