Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
