you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
