fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
