The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
