Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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