I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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