I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
