we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
