Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
