i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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