He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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