listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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