so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
