My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
