the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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