She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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