It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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