Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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