I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
