My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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