That's intense
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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