so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize