literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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