All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
