i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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