that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You smell like stripper and shame
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
