I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
