DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
