i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
