I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize