dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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