He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
