I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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