I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
