Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
