I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
