He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
