It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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