Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
