But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm too high and old for this...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
