the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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