so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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