He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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