Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
