OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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