Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
they need to just BURY HIM!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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