I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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