Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
