i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
