literally had 100 drinks last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
