what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So much rum. So many feels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
