whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
