the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
