I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
