I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
