Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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