I want to have your abortion
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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