Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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