Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
