Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
