My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
