and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
