I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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