The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
