Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
