I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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